Is it me or is there a natural rhythm to how one should recite a phone number, y’know, once that person reaches a level of maturity and ought to know better?
I’m talking about how some individuals I know give out their — or others’ — phone numbers in a rhythm that COMPLETELY RENDERS THE NUMBER AS 32-BIT ENCRYPTED GIBBERISH.
Have you ever heard anyone give you a phone number like this? “Oh, my phone number? Sure! It’s 25 [pause] 513 [pause] 65 [pause] 977.”
I’m completely rendered BRAIN DEAD when this happens. Some people joke that this must obviously happen to me every day, but I rarely laugh when they say it. Some jokes aren’t that funny.
So, what is it that makes someone give out numbers in this manner? I mean, these folks aren’t from different cultures, like Uzbekistania, where this rhythm (and above phone number) is not only cultural but actually part of their National Anthem.
I’m speaking about the UPS driver or gas station dude who casually tosses out a number for which you asked. And then all hell breaks loose.
It’s like:
HIM: “Their number is ’24-8451-…”
ME: [in a silent panic] “OMG!! WHAT THE HELL!? IS HE STARTING WITH A COUNTRY CODE?! Is he a physicist? Is there something I needed to drink before hearing this? Did the metric system that they promised me would replace the English measurement system in 10 years (some 35 years ago) finally hit? WHY DIDN’T SOMEONE WARN ME?
HIM: “uhhh… you all right? You look like one of those cartoon characters with the squiggly line for a mouth…”
ME: [too shamed to speak my truth] “Uhh.. no. Thanks! I’ll call right now! Operators are probably standing by!”
I think there should be a law or at least public flogging for breaking the natural “Di-di-di [pause] di-di-di [pause] di-di [pause — optional] di-di.” Otherwise, how will society stay civilized? This sort of deviancy should be categorized under “General Nuisances” or something that approximates that. Certainly, there must be something like this category on the books already. I’d call and find out, but the number I wrote down from that guy at the gas station always connects me to someone with an Uzbekistanian accent.
At least that’s what it sounds like to me.
I’m too ashamed to ask.
DanielnotDan 